How to tell your campaign is off the rails

When your campaign issues a press release attacking bloggers then you are officially in serious trouble.  From the Ron “Don Quixote” Sparks for Governor campaign:

Day 21: Still No Funding Plan

Artur: ‘Yes, I’m Guilty Of Sticking It To The Voters, But…’

The explanation is sooooo bad we will actually provide the link so YOU can see for yourself the pathetic excuse Exxon Davis presents for giving Big Oil a $25 billion tax break in exchange for $37,000 in campaign dough.

The response comes straight from the crack Davis research staff as cut and pasted by some blogger called CatPaw, or SunDog, or MadCow. (Face it, ain’t no blogger got the time to come up with THAT post.)

Anyhow, let’s break down the Artur Davis explanation this way. (And please note, at no point does Artur ever say he DIDN’T take $37,000 in campaign contributions from Big Oil OR that he didn’t vote TWICE to give them a $25 billion tax break. Why? BECAUSE IT IS A FACT.

Now to the explanation. (To the Davis staff: Why not put this kind of effort into an Artur Davis funding plan? You know, something you need.)

1. Yes, we took the $37,000 from Big Oil but it’s really not a lot of money. (Tell that to a state that has a per capita income below that figure.)
2. It would take more than $37,000 to buy his vote. (Blatant admission that Artur did indeed take the money.)
3. It’s not a lot of money compared to all the other special interest money that he stuffs in his pockets. (Blatant admission that he is bought and paid for by lots of special interests.)
4. It’s not fair to criticize Artur’s voting record because Ron Sparks doesn’t have to vote on anything. (Just plain stupid.)
5. Yes, he screwed you on these two votes, but there are lots of times where he didn’t. (But he still screwed us.)
6. He only took part of the money before his vote. So such a small amount could not buy Artur. (Duh, the rest came later as a reward for his vote, idiot.)

Folks, we are not making up any of this. It is all right here at the link below. Straight from Artur to you. Pretty soon we will hear that “I was for it before I was against it” crap.

http://www.leftinalabama.com/diary/5900/what-is-ron-sparks-selling

This is exactly the way Washington thinks. Yes, I took the money, but it wasn’t a LOT of money. Yes, I screwed you, but I could have done a lot worse.

Artur Davis: Change You Can Deceive In.

Alabama cannot afford Exxon Davis’ kind of “change.”

Only one candidate will give you pre-k. And college scholarships. And fund Medicaid. And tax gaming. And regulate gaming. And create an education lottery. And build and repair roads and bridges. And Let the People Vote.

Only Ron Sparks puts the people first.

Yes, that is the actual press release.  Unedited.  And yes, it includes the words “ain’t” and “crap.”  Probably Sparks’ way of distinguishing himself from the Harvard educated Davis through the conspicuous use of colloquial dialog more appropriate in a Jiffy Lube than the governor’s mansion.  I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the first draft was written in crayon.