It’s Father’s Day and as a proud father of three children I thought I’d offer up some thoughts.

This day really brings out my inner socialist.  I disdain conspicuous consumption orgies.  Advertisers are all too eager to convince the foolish that today is a good day to part with their hard earned money in return for a product that is usually not needed, although it may be lustily desired (like any tool that can easily remove a finger).  I’m not personally a big fan of recognition or special treatment.  My ideal Father’s Day would be to not have anyone make a big fuss over it being Father’s Day.  If you’ve ever met a bigger curmudgeon please let me know.

I consider myself to be something of a neo-traditionalist father.  Traditionally fathers eschew “motherly” duties like bathing dirty kids daily or changing diapers, but I consider those tasks to by part of my end of the bargain.  That doesn’t mean I won’t cunningly try to shirk those obligations from time to time!  Many fathers seek out hobbies like golf that serve little purpose other than to get them out of the house.  Honestly, what kind of enjoyable game involves smacking around a little white ball with an oddly shaped stick until it goes into a small hole - and then repeating seventeen times?  Maintaining this blog is my sole hobby that I keep up with regularity because I can do it quietly while the kids are asleep.  I believe that a critical element of being a father is being around.

Despite the modernity of my parental approach, I do retain some distinctly traditional traits.  I think that consistent discipline is critical.  I am not here so that my children can have fun childhoods (although I hope that they do).  I am here to make sure they grow up to be honest, well-adjusted, productive members of society.  Yes, sometimes kids can earn spankings.  Fathers (and mothers, but this post isn’t about them) should lead by example.  If I don’t work hard and sacrifice how can I expect my children to do the same?  It is incumbent upon me to always treat my wife with love and respect - just the way I expect my son to one day do and how I hope my daughters will expect to be treated.

Our modern culture strives to equate fatherhood with motherhood.  The parental skills of men are often measured with parameters well suited to maternal roles.  Religions frequently draw up traditional roles for men and women - often with women getting the short end of the stick.  I have a different view.  I think that millennia of evolution forcibly caused men and women to have different roles in different cultures and those evolved roles are not easily subverted by social movements and shifting social norms spanning a few decades.  At the most basic level men are providers and women are nurturers.  While either gender is fully capable of performing the work of the other, there is no reason to lament couples who voluntarily enter into the traditional arrangement.  I personally believe it is the most natural and beneficial for all involved.

The impetus for this post was this article from Time that can be summarized pretty well with the concluding sentence of the first paragraph.

What’s less clear is whether dads–at least as a group–have done a good enough job to deserve the honor [of having a Father's Day].

The article gives out statistics about how men are more likely to default on their child support payments than on a used car loan and how divorced fathers often lose touch with their kids.  I don’t doubt the statistics at all, but the authors do those statistics an injustice without mentioning how our legal system overwhelmingly defers to the mother by default.  I can’t think of a single child of divorced parents that I’ve ever met who lived with their dad the majority of the time.  Even on the contentious issue of abortion fathers are slighted since they have no say in the matter.  Our culture ingrains the sense that children are the responsibility of women into men’s heads.  Should it surprise us that as these men are marginalized many simply walk away?

What really bothered me about the Time article was how the authors found some obscure monkey whose young are held by the fathers for up to 90% of the day.  The implication is that modern fathers are not doing as well as the monkeys.  I suppose that the obscure titi monkey doesn’t have bills to pay.  What is invidious, though, is that you would NEVER see such an article written on Mother’s Day (or any day or that matter).  It would be heresy for the mainstream media to insinuate that working women are slighting their children by spending time at the office (certainly they wouldn’t be compared to monkeys).  When the topic is broached the media is careful not to pass judgment on working women and there is almost always a person representing the counterpoint even if such balance is uncommon on the particular show in question.

Before you start banging out hateful comments don’t misconstrue my message.  I’m not disparaging women who work; I just take offense to men being called bad fathers (relative to a monkey) because we work without the same charge being leveled at women.  In essence I just want equity!

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This entry was posted by Brian on Sunday, June 17th, 2007 at 8:39 pm and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Please note the copyright policy.